The Big Sneeze
My father (God rest his soul) had the loudest sneeze I ever had heard. He could be a block or two from home, sneeze, and I could identify it as his. I often said to him, “Have you ever considered slyly going behind someone when you’re ready for a sneeze and see what happens?” He looked me in the eye, “Don’t be stupid. Besides, they might have a heart attack!” My brother’s sneeze too, was much harsher than most. One sneeze in an meeting, it was said, it seemed like the air was momentarily sucked out of the office and the staff were swallowed into a black hole of sound. He was expelled from the room.
I was envious of these skill-sets for many years as I was more of a dainty sneezer. But not forever! I practised until I developed the loud-and-proud mechanics to sneeze almost as loud as they did. I was always conscious of controlling it in church or the National Arts Centre but not in movie theatres. Sometimes when the urge struck I would let go an aggressive sneeze that not only interrupted the movie but turned the heads of those in the of seats in front of me. It was quite funny. My head turned too, throwing suspicion off myself. When everyone had settled back the second sneeze came like mortar fire. Once, Beyoncé, just before she began to belt out the lyrics to a song she had to take a moment to sneeze. The crowd yelled, “Bless you!” and erupted in loud cheers. A much different reaction than the Grylls’ guys got!
There are primarily two types of sneezing. One is stifling of a sneeze that occurs when you might need to sneeze, and the second is the type of stifling where the sneeze is already halfway out of your face. In the latter case, no matter where, stop trying to stuff that sneeze back in. In rare instances, it can lead to injuries, including broken blood vessels in the eyes, weakened blood vessels in the brain or ruptured ear drums.
Despite the panic, if I happen to be driving my car when a sneeze is coming on, there’s not much I can do to keep my eyes open. Apparently, the brain receives a message to close the eyes similar to the way a knee reacts when a doctor taps on it with that teeny-tiny hammer. Some urban legends say an eye could be popped out, but that has been proved untrue. Thankfully, what the brain doesn’t do is signal the heart to stop. It keeps beating no matter how hard you sneeze. The New York Times reported, “The heart rate naturally slows — just a tad, due to both the deep breath before sneezing and the stimulation of the vagus nerve that occurs during a sneeze. The change and the effect is minimal.” A sneezing MP was cautioned by John Bercow, the Speaker of the House of Commons one time, after the sound was amplified throughout the chamber by a nearby hanging microphone. The loud noise interrupted a debate about Work and Pensions. As he was unable to identify the “individual involved” he was forced to warn “the House collectively.”
“Sneezes are like laughter,” says Dr. Alan Hirsch, a neurologist and founder of the Smell & Taste Research Foundation. “Some laughs are loud, some are soft. And it’s similar with sneezing. It will often take the same form from youth onward in terms of what it sounds like.” He continued, “It’s more of a psychological thing and represents the underlying personality. A person who’s demonstrative and outgoing would most likely have a loud explosive sneeze, whereas someone who’s shy might have more of a Minnie Mouse-type expulsion.”
Much like a temperamental computer, the nose requires a “reboot” when overwhelmed, and this biological reboot is triggered by the pressure force of a sneeze. When a sneeze works properly, it resets the environment within nasal passages so “bad” particles breathed in through the nose can be trapped.
Considering the current noise-level of my sneeze compared with a modest one years ago, I definitely prefer the louder ones. It is not because I’m seeking attention, despite what some people claim, it’s because of the interference factor – the timeliness to adeptly disrupt a quiet meeting or gathering just for the hell of it!
.
