When I half-heartedly agreed to promise a favour a few years ago for my son and his mother, I never expected it would come into play. They shared a home in an Oshawa suburb. He had three cats and my Ex had two small dogs. He wanted to take her on a 10-day cruise and I was the only one they had enough trust in to care for the five pets.
I wished I could skirt the whole matter and say ‘no way’. It meant 10 days away from home. More awkward was that my Ex and I hadn’t spoken in eight years. It seemed so surreal! I did discuss it with my partner Sheila first, who said, “A deal was made so you have to own up to it.”
She drove me to Ottawa to catch the train to Oshawa. Arriving at the house I was overwhelmed with the list of instructions on how to care for the pets and their habits and preferences – different for each, of course. Then when and what to feed, where to walk the dogs and when to let the cats into the back yard. And a veiled ominous threat: what would happen to me if a pet disappeared? Realizing that I couldn’t cope with so many options I decided to ignore them all and use common sense.
Much has been written about ‘promises’. “Some people don’t understand the promises they make but should keep the promise in whatever way possible. It is bad to break one but it is worse to let it break you.” A promise is, “A declaration to do something specified; that gives the person to whom it is made, a right to expect the performance of the specified act.” When we don’t keep a promise, it communicates to that person that we don’t value him or her. Even when we break small promises, others learn that they cannot count on us. Not keeping a promise is the same as disrespecting yourself. Ultimately it can harm our self-image and self-esteem.
The most difficult promise I ever made was while working for a manufacturing company in Toronto. I happened to be taking my turn as the company’s volunteer safety rep in addition to regular duties. The company was at the bottom of the ratings with its OSHA watchdog. Around that time a nurse was hired. She introduced a policy to allow injured employees to stay at work on light duties rather than initiating an injury claim. Our rankings shot up. One day our OSHA contact asked if I could co-host a safety talk at their annual convention at the Royal York Hotel. I felt coerced into agreeing but did so. The other person eventually bailed out. I was petrified to be by myself. With my written speech, I begrudgingly went to the convention expecting the worst. I paced the hall in mortification until time to enter the designated room. I noticed three guys debating about which of the lectures to attend. I sidled up to them and said jokingly, “This guy is a well-known speaker with a fantastic topic.” Their minds were made up and even shared that news with others, resulting in a packed house. Finally, my time to enter the room came. While heading for the front, I felt like a gladiator walking the gallows to die.
I was so nervous and could only read my speech, as flat as it was, and not very well at that. (I should have taken a Toastmaster’s course). I knew that my audience was bored with it as well. A quick peek caught more than a few nodding off. After that tasteless opening, I just wanted to get out of there but still had to see if there were any questions.
“What did you do differently”, one voice from somewhere said. I answered, “My predecessor liked to catch people off guard so he could run to the General Manager about every little issue. The workers didn’t like him, often purposely stepping over the yellow safety lines just to torment him. However, I was different than him and earned their co-operation and able to provide plenty of opportunities to discuss safety measures.”
That remark drew other’s attention and shortly the questions started pouring in. I answered them all comfortably, along with some humorous examples. Quickly their impression of me turned around and the meeting actually ran overtime. Unbelievably, one person asked if I put on seminars for other companies. That was surely the ultimate compliment!
I began the occasion with much anxiety, like swimming in the ocean with no land in sight, then to finish up being very pleased overall. It was obvious that just being myself was the wisest plan of all.
