If you could be one age for the rest of your life, what would it be? New research offers surprising clues.
Would you choose to be nine years old, absolved of life’s most tedious responsibilities, and instead able to spend your days playing with friends and practicing your times tables?
Or would you choose your early 20s, when time feels endless and the world is your oyster – with friends, travel, pubs and nightclubs beckoning? Personally, I would choose my late teens, with the novelty of driving a car and of noticing girls and particularly girls in my car.
Western culture idealizes youth, so it may come as a surprise to learn that in a recent poll asking this question, the most popular answer wasn’t 9, 18 or 23, but rather 36.
A developmental psychologist thought that response made a lot of sense. He had been studying people’s experiences of their 30s and early 40s, and research has led him to believe that this stage of life – while full of challenges – is much more rewarding than most of us might think.
The period from ages 30 to 45 was appropriately named the “established adulthood,” by He and his colleagues. They then set out to understand it better and did so by interviewing over 100 people in this age group and collect survey data from more than 600 additional people.
The main challenge anticipated was what they called “the career and care crunch.”
This refers to the collision of workplace demands and demands of caring for others that takes place in your 30s and early 40s.
It is no different than in the Whitewater Region, people trying to climb the ladder in their career while also transporting kids to and from hockey or ballet, keeping their partners relatively happy as well and aging parents as a wildcard, all of which can create a lot of stress.
Not surprisingly, people were feeling overwhelmed and talked about having too much to do in too little time. However they also talked about feeling profoundly satisfied. All of these things that were bringing them stress were also bringing them joy.
For example, a resident of Cobden, 42, said “even though there are complicated times in this period, I feel very fortunate right now.” Her neighbor, 39, simply described herself as being “wildly happy.”
It was becoming clear why people might wish to remain at age 36. People talked about being in the prime of their lives and feeling at their peak. After years of working to develop careers and relationships, people felt as though they had finally arrived. A Beachburg guy, 36 for him, “things feel more in place.” “I’ve put together a machine that’s finally got all the parts it needs,” he said.
As well as feeling as though they had accumulated the careers, relationships and general life skills they had been working toward since their 20s, people also said they had greater self-confidence and understood themselves better.
A 38-year-old woman from Lacroix Bay, appreciated the wisdom she had gained as she reflected on life beyond her 20s:
“Now you’ve got a solid decade of life experience. What I discovered about myself in my 20s wasn’t necessarily wrong. It’s just I now have the opportunity to figure out what I don’t want and what’s not going to work for me. So now into my 30s, I don’t waste a bunch of time doing things that don’t work out. My circle of friends becomes a lot closer and less in numbers.”
Almost all contacted seemed to recognize that they were happier in their 30s than they had been in their 20s . As it was in my own situation compared to my teens. My contacts were now more career oriented and in the neighbourhood, families more mature. I often thought if I could go back to a younger age physically, I wouldn’t do it if I also had to go back emotionally and mentally – no way. “I would rather take an aging body and the wrinkles any day.”
That people think of their 30s – and not their 20s or their teens – as the sweet spot in their lives suggests that this is a period that we should pay more attention to.
