People coping with difficult situations sometimes reassure themselves by saying that everything happens for a reason. Thinking this way sometimes makes it easier to deal with problems such as; a relationship going south, a financial crisis (too much or too little money) or even a grave illness. It is distressing to think bad things happen merely through chance. But they do.
Mishap applies to trivial occurrences of bad luck; adversity applies to a state of severe or persistent calamity. I guess some of my accidents, such as locking my car with the keys inside so many times, always being late for meetings or e-mailing a love-letter to the wrong woman, are trivial, but it’s the many accidents that are potentially serious that worries me.
The scariest time was in February of 2012 when my partner and I were going to Watertown for a two-night stay. Frustrations arose at the Prescott border crossing where I was asked repeatedly if I was ever ‘pardoned’. I had no idea what she meant and was in a frenzy by the time I could proceed. Seeing an open lane, I inadvertently bypassed the toll booth, and not noticing the entry crossbar, I smashed into it but continued on despite the unanticipated jolt. Glancing in the rear-view mirror I saw this security guard wildly waving his arms. Still in a state of muddle, I stopped and reversed but too fast I think. He had to jump aside. I stepped out and was waylaid with an antagonistic lecture. Upon hearing the word ‘Homeland Security’, I thought the mangled crossbar would land me in jail. However, I wasn’t the first to knock it out of place, and it was fixable. I apologised, was about to get in the car when he said I hadn’t paid the toll fees. He pointed to a small building that I had driven by a few minutes earlier. I walked in and the security guard shouted, “Don’t come in here, go to the window on the other side.” Those Americans are so darn fussy.
Earlier this year, also in February, we bought a new washer and dryer set from Sears in Pembroke. They were to be delivered the next day. A man arrived with a high platform truck and no moving equipment. He asked where the help was to unload. I said, “I’m it”. He said, “They didn’t say it would be a senior.” The first was the dryer which I struggled with but made it. The washer was the heaviest thing I had ever lifted. Barely managing on the walkway to the porch, I slipped on a piece of ice. We both let go. The washer tumbled onto me, pinning my left leg. I lay there not able to move until he pulled the washer off of me. There were scratches on our new stainless steel washer before it was even in the house. My partner was busy counting the dents while we were finally able to slide the machine into the house on a carpet. He was still muttering about seniors as he was pulling away in his truck.
Since returning to Westmeath, I’ve fallen off stepladders three times, none of which were as serious as when my partner’s stepladder fell from under her when she was hanging something from a rafter in the garage. Her fall was broken by the same ladder she fell off of. I said, “When you are on a ladder, never step back to admire your work.” She slugged me.
Back in 1989, Pete Rose, one of the greatest all-round baseball players ever, was retired and Manager of the same Cincinnati Redlegs he played for. He was caught betting on a baseball game. Banned from baseball participation for life for gambling, he said in his defence, “I’d be willing to bet you, if I were a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball.” But he was a betting man and he did.
Senators Mike Duffy, Mac Harb (La Passe connection), Pamela Wallin, Patrick Brazeau and others claimed travel and housing expenses from the Senate for which they were not eligible. After an investigation, none were charged. This time a mistake was not a mistake, I guess.
But not as embarrassing as when I was caught on a bed that wasn’t mine. It was in Scarborough when I was pruning a tree and somehow cut my hand. I went to the nearby Grace Hospital to have it checked. I was to wait in an assigned room until a doctor could examine my wound. In the room was a bed and over the bed was a painting. It was hanging so crooked; it was driving me bonkers. So, I climbed up on the bed and straightened it. At that moment the doctor walked in and she asked, “What are doing on that bed?” I started to say, “You are not going to believe this ….,” and she said, “I don’t.”
I don’t think for a minute I have a monopoly on misfortune. There are many who have fallen and cracked their ribs, had a tree limb fall and break a collar bone or slid off the road while driving and totalled their car. But the most bizarre situation was when my partner decided to hang up fly traps this summer outside the kitchen door in the back-kitchen (older houses have them). They were left at a length that wouldn’t interfere with anyone. But overnight, the fly traps extended downward. I went through the kitchen door in the morning and a fly trap got stuck on my head. I called for my partner to help. As she tried to get the sticky part off my hair the whole fly trap fell from the ceiling covering the top of my head, dropping down over my face and sticking to my nose. I could also see dead flies dangling in front of my eyes. I yelled, “What are you going to do now?” She thought about it and replied, “I can only see cutting the sticky part out of your hair.” I said, “No, no, you can’t cut chunks out of my hair.” Rather than that, she started pulling it, each little piece burning my scalp. Then she began using rubbing alcohol to get the glue out but that didn’t work either so she switched to hand soap for a few tries. Finally, a comb could be tugged through the hair. A couple of shampoos and a couple of days later, all was back too normal.
Fortunately, most of our challenges have a silver lining. Our mistakes are never forgotten about but rather they are now perceived in an amusing manner.
