It couldn’t get much worse. Health Canada is in the process of changing the Food Guide to one that is a bland plant-based one, now strongly recommending meals that most of us definitely will avoid.
Yesterday I had bacon for breakfast, pulled pork for lunch and a juicy steak at suppertime. Why shouldn’t I eat food that satisfies me rather than the paraphernalia they recommend that doesn’t taste good? Some things I ate were even salted enough to give the meals a half-life of nuclear waste. And I’m fine with that.
Many of us identify with Anthony Bourdain, the celebrity chef who travelled the world eating cuisines of other countries (mostly fat and spices). He died last year at 61, but I’m certain he would have lived into his nineties if he hadn’t skipped so many meals because of a too-busy schedule.
A recent report by a Stockholm-based non-profit says people should drastically cut fish, meat and dairy consumption and eat next to no sugar. Rather supplement our diet with whole grains, beans, fruits, twigs, grass clippings, drain sludge and anything with the taste and consistency of dryer lint. Or something like that. It makes my stomach roll just thinking about it.
I tune all this dribble out because it is the same finger-wagging lecture my mother did since she caught me slipping brussel sprouts to the dog under the table when I was a kid. In short, she said, “Eat healthier.” Thanks, I get it. Now pass the bacon.
Sometimes they even try to fool us into eating better, waiting until we’re finished the lasagna before revealing that it was made with eggplant, tofu or some other form of compost. It’s as though they expect the meat-eaters to convert on the spot: as if “I’ve been wasting my life on roast beef and gravy when I could have been eating steamed kale.” Not on your life!
Junk foods like salted nuts and fried fast foods, even gum, candy and sweet deserts are all black-listed. Processed foods are taboo because of the added sugars and so makes it especially hard on people in a rush. Don’t even think about meddling with my Pepsi and Mountain Dew! Experts believe that sugar consumption is a major cause of obesity and many chronic diseases, such as diabetes. ‘Experts don’t know everything’.
Back to the report out of Sweden that included research from 16 countries. It’s a ‘planetary health diet’ devised not just with humans in mind but global sustainability. Certain foods, mostly those involving livestock, leave a larger environmental hoof-print than others. Meanwhile, at the time this planetary health diet was unveiled, Alberta farmers high-fived each other over increased beef sales to Japan. Go figure!
Now we have another reason to feel guilty when chowing down on a grease-burger – the groan of Mother Earth clutching her heart. As well, when the restaurant server mutters ‘eco-terrorist’ when handing over your steak.
Health Canada promise those smokers that if they quit smoking, food will regain its flavour with taste buds springing back to life like putting on a pair of glasses to improve vision. It just doesn’t happen. Now those poor souls have nothing left to live for!
Thank goodness Agriculture Canada along with the big meat and dairy industries are pressuring Health Canada to drop this absurd nonsense. Besides being a terrible hardship for numerous beef eaters, “It would have negative implications for these industries and our economy.”
What would happen to poutine sales in Ottawa, the prime reason people visit that city, if French fries, curds and gravy are a good part of your regular food intake? They simply ignore all those warnings about seeing their family physician.
Some food producers have tried to shortcut saturated fats by substituting butter with palm oil. It does lower the level but palm oil is worse for you than butter. Besides, the palm trees are being stripped far too quickly just to get at the oil.
In the beginning there was light … then someone got hungry and discovered a shish-kebab on a late Saturday night … and the rest is history. My standard reaction to being pressured by Health Canada to change diets is not that I don’t know why, I just don’t give a dam. Bon appetit.
