The other day in the Pembroke East End Mall someone said to me, “If you could live your life over again, would you keep it the same as it is.” It took only seconds to answer. “For the most part yes but there would be a number of changes for sure.”
Later in the food court while chomping on a slice of pizza, I thought of things that I would probably change. There was an incident that happened before I was even three years old and of course couldn’t remember. However, over the years it was occasionally brought up by family members, probably in jest. Apparently I tried to smother my baby sister in her crib by putting a pillow over her face. I was jealous after bring number one for a few years. There is no blame whatsoever but I still feel a little guilty about it. That whole situation would be bypassed in my second time around.
High School wasn’t so kind and there are a few negatives that needed to be erased. Because I was bullied in Grade 9, I would have gotten some training in martial arts – and beaten the piss out of those two guys the next time they started on me. Although, I wouldn’t have wanted that feeling of ecstasy to last, in fear that I may have become a bully myself.
The other change would have been in Grade 12. I would have grabbed my career counsellor by the throat, squeezing it tighter and tighter until he gasped for breath, just after he had said, “A career in writing is not a good choice for you, aim to become a teacher or a lawyer.” Those two options weren’t even in my vernacular. I wanted to someday be hired by the Toronto Star as one of their ‘sports writers’. That teacher ruined that chance for me as I unfortunately dismissed that goal for good.
I don’t want to go off the deep end here as there are so many good memories to consider missing out on. However there was a motor vehicle accident on the Queensway in the west part of Toronto I’d like to forget. Married and residing in Scarborough we were returning from Thanksgiving dinner in Mississauga after dark. The road was slick due to a light rain a little earlier. I was watching the glow of red tail-lights ahead assuming they were moving forward. Lost in thought, I soon realized they weren’t advancing at the same speed I was. Braking hard to avoid smashing into one, my car careened out of control. When it came to a rest, one side of it was damaged but repairable and two guardrails were out of position. The pending fine and costs were nothing compared to my wife’s vitriol that haunted me months for being careless.
I would have wanted to have better balance so not take so many tumbles off ladders, bicycles and the likes, even stumbling a few times over a crack in a sidewalk. Better balance in my persona too would have saved situations where I couldn’t shut up or revealed a secret I had promised to keep always.
I wondered too about winning the Publishing Clearing House prize of $5,000 per week. That was out as I would have just sat around worrying about someone taking it from me. Besides, there were so many terrific people I made friends with every place I worked. That meant more to me than the money.
I think if I had become a teacher, I probably wouldn’t have the patience with some high school kids, then resort to my karate skills and end up getting fired by the school board or even sued by the class disruptor’s parents. To be a lawyer it would likely be my misfortune to get someone acquitted of a murder charge and find out later he killed again. The passion and fulfillment I had going for me in the law firm I worked for would be extinguished forever.
Looking back to high school, I should have listened to my gut and pursued a career in writing rather than letting some teacher destroy my dream. Even if I had pursued it and it didn’t pan out I would have worked at something else – maybe even more rewarding. Somehow life always turn out the way it was meant no matter what obstacles confront us or choices made on the spur of the moment.
