If I could have a Christmas wish, I would become a Santa Claus surrogate this joyous season. As his main man, I would naturally be entitled to share some of his powers befitting of a loyal apprentice Maybe some year down the road I might be able to fill those shoes of the big guy!
With time to spare before Christmas Eve, I would plan out my activities, not in a geographic manner but rather a disordered one, taking care of my family and friends first. I would bequeath all of them generous gift cards; Walmart ones for the girls and women and Staples for the boys and men. Much can be accomplished quickly when the magic of time stands still while you work. To temper my pleasure concept with a taste of reality, I’ll be looking at a few of those naughty ones we hear about. That should be much more fun.
First though, there are a couple of athletes I would like to make a gift of compassion to. I would go back in history to the era of Pete Rose, a superior third-baseman with the Cincinnati Reds and one of my favourite ballplayers, who was blackballed from entering the Baseball Hall of Fame for betting on a baseball game, silly guy. I would instantly have him inducted into the Hall of Fame and establish his name into the record books as if it was always there.
George Chuvalo, Canada’s best-known boxer, turned 80 this year. He had to face too much grief in his life for any one person to bare; losing his wife and a son to drugs and another son to suicide. He hung in there despite these personal tragedies and became fighting trim as someone who lectured high school students on the evils of drugs. I only ran into George once. It was back in the late seventies at a huge wedding reception party in Mississauga. We were on the dance floor when I carelessly stepped on his ultra-expensive and large black shoe. He recoiled and when I saw that commanding hand clench into a fist I was frozen to the spot in fear. He looked me over, gave me a glare and resumed dancing. I was so relieved to not have my face rearranged by a blow with the force of a freight-truck. Back to George Chuvalo: For his Christmas gift, I would eradicate all of his moods of anguish and guilt of his sorrows for the rest of his life. The poor guy deserves it.
Canadian politicians and political parties wouldn’t be so lucky this year-end but instead be held accountable for their naughty ways. For Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynn I would adjudicate a hydro bill to arrive at her home early Christmas Eve in the amount of $26,000 just to ruin the little joy she may be capable of expressing this year. Then I would list all of those people associated with the Conservative Party who were involved in the investigation and installation of the federal government’s Phoenix pay system together with all the Liberals who could have learned how to manage the pay system before continuing with it rather than scrapping it and starting over. Then, I would delete everyone’s personal data, addresses and passwords from their desktops, laptops, tablets and I-phones to demonstrate financial mayhem as many government employees have endured for so long.
US President Donald Trump is the one person that definitely needs his knuckles rapped until they are blue because of all the mistruths he spoke and the twisted paths he strived for since taking office in January. A thousand notions came to mind for his chastisement of making the naughty list but I settled on the one that would be most awkward — having all his income tax returns he returned and not returned on time to be published in the Washington Post. There would be nowhere for him to hide. I had one other thought of ruining his golf swing for the future but that would be too mean.
Finally, we have Connie Tabbert, the tireless editor of Whitewater News. She is on edge of my naughty list for minor omissions of forgetting to publish one of my columns and a handful of photos over the year. On the other hand, she has been so supportive and appreciative with me, I would prefer to grant an increase to the circulation of Whitewater News to 4,000 on the spot. No need for anything more as she is already an icon in her readers minds.
As for myself and my friends and family, no one was busted or died so I wish to share that cheer with everyone I have met and those I will meet while in my new job over the coming years.
