For 26 years I wrote a bi-weekly column for a Christian publication (Christian Courier) based in St. Catharine’s, Ontario. I took over from Jim Romahn, who is known as the dean of agriculture reporters in Canada. I had big shoes to fill. So I made my mark with my first column entitled : The farmer takes a wife —or is it The Wife?
This Sunday is Mother’s Day so I thought this would be an interesting topic for this week. Here’s the column:
The Ottawa Valley is known for some unusual expressions or slang words such as Gidday, gidday, a common greeting often used by valley folks, or eh, a word added to the end of many questions.
A young woman who lives in Cornwall and who worked in this area one summer, mentioned to me that everyone around here is a “lad.” She gave some examples: “The old lad is getting married again. We hired a couple of lads for a day and got all the straw in the mow. She married a lad that’s good for nothin’.”
A phrase I find repugnant is “The wife,” used by some husbands here (and I’m sure elsewhere in Canada) when referring to their wives. This commonly used expression is prevalent among rural working class men, particularly farmers and construction workers. However, I even hear businessmen refer to their wives as the wife: “The wife and I go to Florida for a few weeks each winter.” Or “The wife does the books.”
Being a bachelor I look at married life with a critical eye; what seems to go unnoticed to married people, can make an impression on me. I cringe each time I hear someone say “the wife.” It makes me want to blurt out, “The Dog, The Cat, and The Wife.”
In the Dutch language it’s common and perfectly fine to refer to a wife as “de vrouw” as in “de vrouw van de dominee.” (the wife of the minister). That has a nice little ring to it. However, it’s just not the same when translated to “The Wife,” which sounds harsh and crude.
A city couple who moved to this area a few years ago to do a little hobby farming still chuckle when they tell me the story of a farmer who lives in the neighbourhood. The man always referred to his wife as “her”, “she”, or “the wife.” He would say, “She gets up in the morning and gets the kids ready for school while I feed the cattle. Then the wife and I sit down for coffee and breakfast.” When we first met him and he introduced his family, he said, “This is the wife and these are my two boys, John and Jack.” (fictitious names). He wouldn’t say these are “our” two boys, but “my” two boys. “It was two years before we found out she had a name,” joked the couple.
Recently I overheard a conversation that went something like this: “The wife there, her sister was over for the holidays, so she and the wife went shopping one day.”
I have even heard teenage boys refer to their girlfriends as “the wife.” They must have learned it from their father. Thus it passes from generation to generation.
The term “the wife” is often used in slang and has a possessive connotation. It is similar to the term “little woman”, an affectionate phrase not quite as common but more respectful.
Permit me to ask those husbands who use this expression to reflect on why you refer to your wife in this manner. How would you feel if your wife referred to you as “him”, “he”, “the husband” or “the little man?” Is it truly showing the love and affection and the respect your wife deserves from you? Come on now fellows! Don’t you think your wife deserves to be called by her real name, eh? G’day!
