It appears that everyone has worries, big ones and small ones. Those small worries (non-life-threatening as they say) are thoughts and emotions of a negative nature in a repetitive uncontrollable manner that result in being unable to solve anticipated problems with all their consequences. All these small worries have accumulated for me lately. I have been worrying so much that I don’t know what to worry about first or even what priority I should rank them in.
As I usually do, when I need more information or some sort of answer I turn to the internet. What I learned about “worry” was, to not take pointless advice from others like, “Don’t worry about it or why not relax or cheer up.” In plain language I have to just ignore friend’s good intentions. Instead, take some guidance from psychologist Daniel Wegner who says that trying not to worry or pretending to be upbeat is probably not a good idea anyway. That definitely conflicts with the everyday advice from friends but who should know best! Wegner also said, “Strong-arming yourself to get into a good mood is not the way to get in a good mood at all. Rather, it is a recipe for disaster.” I guess he means that you can’t pressure yourself to put on a good front as it will be seen as a bogus.
One night I desperately wanted to fall asleep but couldn’t. Instead I tossed and turned for an hour or more becoming increasingly anxious with each passing minute. Next I tried visualization. I pictured myself preparing for sleeping; a king-size bed was in the offing, covered over with the most striking sheets and coverlets ever– so inviting. Seeing myself crawling into that bed was sheer pleasure, its touch enticing me to morph into a sound dream. As soon as my head hit the pillow though, I woke up. It was a long night after that, causing another worry. Without a good night’s sleep there was the real threat of biting someone’s head off the next day.
Experiments have shown that trying hard to fall asleep is likely to keep you awake. The thinking is that dwelling on one problem only, is the key, not two or more but just the one. Pick any one problem to analyze in your mind. There will be less stress now and you will likely fall asleep quickly to boot.
Like a paradox, when it comes to keeping mental control most humans are out of control. It’s almost as if the brain system is designed to go off track at a whim. That complicated brain will skew off focus when distracted with more than one thought at a time. I remember one job interview. I was asked how many things I have on my mind at one time. I guessed six which was unacceptable and I was turned away.
It didn’t make that much sense to me but I thought why not apply the psychologist’s theory to one of my problems. One major worry is about the new entranceway at the Community Hall. With the Trillium grant received, funds from Whitewater Region and the balance from the WDRA operating budget, a brand new barrier-free access completely covered with a roof should have made the community happy – it hasn’t. I am our contact for updates but the start of demolition of the current structure has been delayed for some weeks because of a combination of reasons. The contractor maintains everything is under control – but I still worry. No matter who I meet, they always ask, “When is the project going to start?”
Each day my worrying is being double-downed. What would I do? I could keep a very low profile but I would likely be spotted slipping down to Kenny’s Store for refreshments or going to the garden looking for a tomato. So I tried the new theory. Now when asked about the start of the project, I always reply the same, “You mean it hasn’t begun? It will probably be tomorrow then!”
Postponing a worry works like a charm, like skipping an appointment or leaving an overdue bill on the table. Simply knowing that every problem can be put off gets you through the day easier and makes it more enjoyable to boot. There is one exception that can’t be put off; being late for dinner.
