Home Columns Bob Wants to be a Private Eye

Bob Wants to be a Private Eye

132
0

When an impromptu phone call asking if I knew of a house to rent in this area, my initial reaction was, “Are you nuts, every uninhabited property is for sale or will be.”

He quickly said that someone recommended that I might be able to help. As we talked, three possibilities came to mind which he will follow up on.

Doing a little detective work on his behalf and the leads I gave him, reminded me of the many times a career as a private investigator (PI) flitted across my thoughts. PI’s were often featured in movies, television shows or pocketbooks as lone-wolf heroes and protagonists with thrilling lives steeped in intrigue.

With in-depth research I realized this often-romanticized career, intrigue included, is far more accessible than thought.

Also growing up watching a steady diet of television shows like Columbo and Mannix and reading detective novels by Michael Connolly and Harlan Coben was just the foundation I needed.

But I never reached out until now. I know as a sleuth my uncanny ‘sherlock’ approach to solve tough cases, track down criminals until confined in a slammer and piece together parts of a puzzle to crack a cold case would be enough to hang up my shingle.

In the movies, private investigators were often depicted as gun-toting outlaws who get results the police can’t by knocking down doors and shaking down suspects.

However, in reality, PIs tackle insurance fraud, infidelity, and corporate impropriety by diligently combing through records and trailing persons of interest. I would use my experience garnered from a background in community volunteering and writing 250 lathered-up columns in 5 years.

You can become a private eye through at-home study or attend community college courses. That’s fine for others but I want to get my feet wet right from the start. My commonsense style,  able to think on my feet and enjoy adventure would be more efficient than hitting the books. Books and instructions are for the overly cautious.

With my expertise I would undertake the unidentified trail of a bank robber beginning where the stick-up occurred. Snooping around and shaking tidbits of information from old ladies and kids along the escape route until I finally zeroed in on the hideout. Game over sucker!

If I were assigned a cold case – a whodunit a dozen years old, good old-fashioned exploratory detective tactics and doggedness would lead me to the villain. The next cold case might be the homicide of 57-year-old Paul Volpe of Toronto – still unsolved since 1963 or the mysterious slaying of Honey and Barry Sherman in their home in1997.

At some point I might be hired to work undercover by slipping into a new job for investigative purposes to spy on a fraudster. The best part is getting paid by the employer as well as my client.

A key element of surveillance work is remaining undetected, meaning not getting out of a parked car or handling personal business during a 12-hour spy shift. Bathroom behavior is a pee bottle. For number two’s, just hold it.

PI’s sometimes find their best resource is a trash can. “Once something is thrown away, it’s up for grabs.” Critical evidence to help close an investigation is often gathered this way, whether a crack pipe, a discarded weapon of or chopped off finger.

Having a social media profile is probably bad news if you’re trying to stay off a PI’s radar. “It’s a gold mine of information, people like to document their entire life.” For intel, nothing beats “friending” a case subject on Facebook or opt for creating fake accounts. My fake accounts are exponentially more popular and dynamic than I actually am!

Though private investigators can go anywhere that is public, they are not allowed to trespass. They cannot enter a property, house or building that they don’t have permission for. The heck with that – how else would you get those tell-tale pictures of a husband cheating on your client (his wife)? Besides, it is the ultimate of contracts there is.

Maybe short few qualities to be a huge success as a PI but imagine the esteem if I were to unravel the kidnapping of a youngster and return that kid to the parents unharmed – my urge to be a private dick once more overspills.

Previous articleRegular Council Meeting July 7
Next articleA Lucky Omen Couldn’t Save the Game