It was on a long bus ride heading back to Westmeath after an overnight outing. Noticing Willy, a retired farmer sitting in the seat in front, made me suddenly realize I didn’t have a clue about farm-life despite being surrounded by farms that raised a variety of animals.
I started with what I thought would be an easy question, “Willy, what is the difference between a bull and steer?” He explained that bulls are males used for breeding with the cows as their family jewels had not been removed. They make out with 20 or so cows a year. “When they become a senior like us the fun is over and they are put out to pasture.” Wow! Twenty females every year!
The steers are castrated while a young calf, no longer useful for having fun with cows, and are sold for meat. “Doesn’t it hurt like hell to have you know what cut off,” I asked. “As much as if it was yourself under the knife, I guess.” That seems so cruel I thought as I winced.
The conversation drifted into the pork domain. Willy tried to explained the difference between pigs and hogs. He knew both were swine, often raised together, one weighed more but didn’t know if one type was the female and the other male. How did piglets come about then? It should have been as easy as understanding cows and bulls! He attempted an explanation! At least none had to be fixed like an unlucky steer.
When the topic of sheep and goats came up, I was astounded to hear that copper is toxic to sheep while goats need a supplement of copper. They have a different number of chromosomes, rarely mate but if they did, the hybrid would be a chimera called a “Geep”. In Greek Mythology, a chimera was a monstrous fire-breathing creature composed of the parts of multiple animals – not likely to happen around here, I hope! It may sound intrusive but the easiest way to tell the difference between them is to look at their tails. Willy said, “Sheep sometimes have too many little sheepies, like three at a time. But the mother has only two mummeries, so one has to be adopted out.”
I always wondered about chickens laying eggs. Most farms have a bunch of chickens but only a few roosters. “Willy, is the rooster like the bull and can handle many chicks by himself.” No, no, the chickens don’t need a rooster to lay eggs for breakfast. If the rooster did have it on with a chick, the laid egg would become a chickling. “How can chickens lay eggs without a rooster then?” Willy thought about it and said “I don’t have an answer. “What about a double-yoker, would it mean two roosters with one hen?” He said, “Don’t go there.” Roosters apparently have common sense, not like Willy and I from the groans of other people on the bus.
Some farms have donkeys, asses and mules. Not knowing about much about the differences, I queried Willy. He told me the mule is the offspring of a male donkey (jack) and a female horse (jill), however the mules weren’t allowed to have babies for some reason! Someone from five or six rows back on the bus said disdainfully, “You are both asses.”
Peking Ducks are the easiest animals to raise. They are a great source for meat and produce large eggs. Willy had them once but they were after his feet constantly. He preferred their eggs as he was only allowed one per day so why not the biggest. Sometimes he would toss an empty pop can into the throng just to get a laugh at their reaction. He was accused one time of duck harassment, so he reluctantly got rid of them. He denied the allegation of course.
Horses evolved from being mostly a worker, plowing fields or hauling wagons, to become a pet these days. I asked Willy about their hoofs. He said, “It’s a good thing, otherwise they couldn’t nail on horseshoes.” Both of us remembered playing road hockey with frozen horse balls instead of a puck. The balls work better the colder it was. I asked Willy if horses lie down to sleep? “Only on leir left side.” I asked why? “Because of the Big Dipper,” he replied.
I guess it might have been interesting growing up on a farm with all those interesting animals but the necessary chores in the wee hours of the morning made me think twice.
