We all grew up hearing little white lies, big ones too, delivered by our parents to make us feel better. I believed I was doing sort of that when not telling the truth backfired on me.
After a workday at Wellesley Hospital in Toronto, I scooped a stunning bouquet of used flowers from the shipping dock destined for the garbage as if it had my name on it. Yes, it was strictly against hospital rules, but today was our wedding anniversary and I had totally forgotten about it. Not admitting where these lovely flowers came from, I handed them to my wife upon reaching home. She was so taken up that I rationalized I must have done the right thing.
I only tell a secret to one person at a time and it happened to be a mutual friend of ours. A few months later, the three of us met and he let my secret slip. I paid the price with a severe tongue-lashing and a cold shoulder for at least a week.
Unfortunately, nobody ever told us that these lies were, well, just lies. We adapted them into truths that are universally accepted. According to myth, a young George Washington confessed to cutting down a cherry tree by proclaiming, “I cannot tell a lie.” The story is testament to how much respect Americans have for their cherished first president and honesty in general.
Unfortunately, over time it seems there are ten dishonest scoundrels for every honorable one like Washington. But, if a lie preserves someone’s feelings, or protects someone from harm, is it not for the greater good? Moreover, little white lies are socially accepted when they do no harm.
For instance, telling a child that their drawing is nice or telling new parents that their baby is the cutest, ever are both examples.
Not a surprise, politicians and car salespersons are thought to be the most unethical while at the other end of the spectrum are nurses, pharmacists and medical doctors.
The reason politicians lie is because the public don’t want to hear the truth — they only want to hear what they want to hear. When two candidates are running and one of them tells the truth and the other says what the public wants to hear, guess which one wins the election. Without exception, if you want to win, you better start lying.
We know what happened in the last US presidential election. Now those lies are compounded on lies to legitimize the first lie.
Lies seem like an easy way out at first. So why then do people tell lies?
Because it avoids a bad consequence, helps them feel better and make others like or admire them.
However, when people lie to avoid dealing with problems, the same problems continue on and get worse, often leading to depression and anxiety.
Then there are the lies that lead to more than depression and anxiety.
For example, the Quebec man who pleaded guilty to unlawfully wearing a military uniform and medals during a national Remembrance Day ceremony in 2015. He has been sentenced to probation and community service. Members of the Canadian Forces came forward after noticing problems with the way he was dressed and with the medals he was wearing. Police too, discovered that he had never been employed by the Canadian military.
It’s a part of our culture. When we’re steeped in a community that condones dishonesty, our own truthfulness declines.
“There’s something antisocial about being too honest,” says David Livingstone Smith, professor of philosophy at the University of New England and author of Why We Lie.
To detect whether a man is telling the truth or lying, it’s best to use your left ear, according to Dr. Tilly Woppa of the Hearing Research Institute. In over 75 percent of listeners tested, lie detection rates were better when listening through the left ear. However, when women were speaking, listeners were better at lie detection when using their right ears.
“Our advice for dinner parties,” said Dr. Woppa, “is to always sit with a man on your left side and a woman on your right.”
I wish I known about and followed Mark Twain’s suggestion, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” I would have avoided a lot of backtracking and hassles along the way.
