The epitome of bullying was when US President Donald Trump’s administration proposed to cut federal funding for the Special Olympics – earning them a gold medal for ‘insensitivity’. There are world leaders around the globe who maintain power through intimidation. Even Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is suspected of controlling most of his cabinet, the ones that he couldn’t are now problematic. Prime Minister Theresa May of the UK, as much as she bullied the members of parliament to accept her Brexit deal a few times, didn’t have the ’knockout punch’ to get it passed.
Most examples of a bully clearly fit the definition of acts of intentional harm in a relationship where an imbalance of power exists. Whether it is physical or verbal or social exclusion, the Whitehouse motion could be all of these – pitting the most people in the world versus some who are the most disadvantaged. Not planned to happen this way, but heroically these Olympians are doing it for the honour of their country no less.
Bullies have traits in common; to dominate others, use people to get what they want, concerned only about themselves, view weaker peers as prey, don’t accept responsibility and always seem to crave attention.
On the other hand, the bullied can be just about anybody; a new kid on the block, the one who is most insecure, young or elderly, is timid, or is rich or poor. Gender or religious affiliation can be a factor as can a smart kid or one who has to wear glasses. Ones with physical or mental disabilities, the most vulnerable victims of all, are three times as likely to be bullied.
I was bullied in Grade 9 at a Pembroke high school. One year younger than average age, one of the smaller kids and not combative, I was a perfect storm for the class bully. He was bigger, stronger and enjoyed pushing me off balance believing he was impressing other classmates. It wasn’t long before I dreaded going to school and after finishing one day began worrying about the next. I did have a good friend who sensed something was wrong and drew it out of me. Not one to be quarrelsome, this time he was. By arrangement, he waited outside one of my classrooms until identifying the bully. He caught the guy off guard, grabbed him by the throat, hoisted him up and slammed him against a student locker, his feet fluttering off the ground. His ultimatum to that quivering bully was deadly. I was never bothered again by him or anyone else in my remaining years of high school. That savoured memory of my friend saving the day has stayed fresh ever since.
However, I learned a hard lesson later as an adult. For no particular reason I began giving someone I worked with a hard time just to see him squirm. He spilled the beans to someone we both knew, who then took me to task. His no-holds-barred reprimand made me feel ashamed. It was so thoroughly excruciating that if I was ever to be insolent again, those crucial words came back to haunt me.
Years later in a different workplace a friend of mine was being bullied by a musclebound body builder who swallowed steroids like candy, causing him to bulge in various places to exhibit his oversized muscles. I literally took my life in my hands when I promised to resolve my friend’s predicament by confronting this brawny bulk and probably getting a physical retaliation of massive proportion. After I said, “Look Mike, I want you to lay off my friend, okay?” He looked somewhat puzzled, turned and walked away only to return later. He said, “Bob, you and I are very much alike. We both stand up for what we believe in.” In my mind, he and I were not alike by any means but I didn’t answer back. I wasn’t about to test my luck against this big brute a second time.
A recent survey showed nearly half of students had been targets of hazing–a form of bullying in which they are humiliated or required to take part in dangerous activities. Bullies target all kinds of young athletes for the usual reasons. Fortunately, coaches are getting with the times, setting the stage for how kids on a team should treat one another. They are becoming clearer about creating an atmosphere of respect, support and team unity. Bullying won’t be tolerated, “We really make sure they understand the impact their behavior has on the rest of the team.”
Bullying will always be around and not to become one can be difficult. When I become upset with someone, the flashback of the harsh reprimand I got reminds me that real power can stir others to action in the way it was meant to be.
